Learning Limitations
Once I received an award at work for excellent execution, in fact, it was called the Executioner Award. Numerous times a day I could be heard stating “I’ll handle it.” (Shout out to Olivia Pope and to all the black women who are doing it all every day.) Honestly, I viewed this award as an honor, and I was very proud. I prided myself on being a problem-solver and getting s**t done. In my experience, most people who are like me, very interested in leadership studies, organizational behavior, and entrepreneurship feel the same way. We can fix anything. We got this, am I right?
Later in my career, while working at a different organization, I was astonished the day I just stated, “I’ve done all I can do, and I can’t fix it.” I could not believe those words were coming out of my mouth. There was no challenge too great or problem too complicated for me to handle, or so I thought, but I had to face a hard truth. I was working for a weak leader. All the signs were there. The leader was:
• Demoralizing
• Suffocating
• Self-centered
• Untrustworthy
And I was in the unenviable position of cleaning up his messes; there wasn’t a task that crossed his desk that didn’t become my responsibility. By 9 am my inbox would have 20–30 emails from him that were a mix of rants and a string of random and unrelated tasks that often left me confused and frustrated. I would spend my first hour or two at work just trying to decipher crypt emails and clarify vague orders for myself and the rest of the team. Large strategic initiatives were discussed but rarely started, let alone accomplished, in favor of staying bogged down in task execution. As typical when working with weak leaders, the leader became the central focus of the team, we reacted to his tantrums, flurry of emails, and random demands rather than adhering to cohesive project plans. Managing his personality and unrealistic commands became the job.
Upon realizing this dynamic, I leapt into “fix it” mode. I did my best to use my background and knowledge to focus the team on growth and collaboration. I hosted mediated conversations between my boss and teammates in an attempt repair severely broken trust. I spent months developing new processes and checklists, advocating for team members when the boss was angry, and coaching colleagues on how to manage up and anticipate the expectations of the boss more effectively. Personality clashes, team dysfunction, and ugly power struggles combined with the thankless daily tasks of the job were taxing; and in a short period of time I was exhausted. After months of small victories followed by catastrophic failures I was facing the harsh reality that the chances of fixing this situation were slim to none, and Slim just left town.
Facing burnout and a maddening lack of progress I was at a loss. It was a lunch conversation with a friend where I re-litigated all of my actions to find my misstep to fix the team where I absentmindedly uttered the truth, “I’ve done all I can do, and I can’t fix it.” Whoa. This realization had me shook. My friend calmly agreed with me while munching on her sandwich and looking back, it’s obvious she was just letting me get there on my own. The truth was I was not going to change 30 years of micromanaging behaviors. Our team had no trust, the manager abdicated his leadership responsibilities, and micromanagement was preferred over project management. Of course, I couldn’t fix this.
However, something unexpected happened when I uttered that sentence, clarity returned. I had struggled for months with my situation, weekly I would call a remote colleague and launch into an epic venting session always centered on my confusion on how to improve the team dynamics. After having my epiphany, the need for the weekly venting sessions ended. In the weeks that followed, I became a more productive employee, not happier, but more productive. Accepting my limitations and the limitations of my working environment was a gift. With a Twitter feed full of inspirational quotes about motivation, determination, and leadership accepting limitations seemed almost profane. In actuality accepting this truth was freeing; accepting this truth was powerful.
I can’t fix every situation, period. I still like to think I can fix most situations, but learning when to fix has been an important lesson. In moments of self-doubt I sometimes question if I just gave up, but I know by accepting my limitations I empowered myself to move towards progress and growth. I focused on getting a new certification, working with my executive coach, and networking instead of spending off-work hours trying to fix something that wasn’t meant to be repaired. My confidence returned and I once again became a woman who got s**t done.
